


Do As I Say, Not As I Do

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek The Gentle Seasons Series [52]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bickering, Desert, Established Relationship, Friendship, Great American Desert, Humor, Las Vegas, M/M, Mojave Desert, Nevada, Protective Spock, Shore Leave, Stubborn McCoy, Summer Vacation, Vacation, Zine: Spiced Peaches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-13 10:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21242573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Spock and McCoy have gone on vacation to Las Vegas, Nevada, with Kirk, but get bogged down in arguments even before they make it out of their room.Appeared in Spiced Peaches LVIII.





	Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Jim Kirk stepped into their hotel room. "Hi, guys. Ready to go?" he asked with enthusiasm as he rubbed his hands together. "I can't wait to hit the Strip, can you? This should really be fun! Show girls. Booze. Practically free food at the buffets. Glamour and glitz. Top drawer revues. Celebrities everywhere. High stakes gambling." His eyes shone. "Yes, sir, this is 'The City That Never Sleeps!' And I aim to see it!"

"Just a minute, Jim. We're having a discussion. The Vulcan's being unreasonable. Again."

Oh, boy, Kirk thought with a hidden sigh. He'd been around these guys and their 'discussions' before.

"I am not being unreasonable, Captain. I am being logical."

"If we were about to step out onto the main street of Antarctica, I'd agree with your lopsided logic. But we aren't, so there!"

"Doctor, please. Just do this thing for me."

"Nope, not gonna," McCoy stated with a quick shake of his head.

"But why not?"

“Just ‘cause, that’s why!”

“Doctor, that is not a viable reason.”

"Well, it is to me!" McCoy snapped.

McCoy and Spock stood glaring at each other, Spock not as belligerently but just as determined as his uncooperative mate. A bemused Jim Kirk stood nearby, not quite knowing how the anticipation of their holiday in Las Vegas had suddenly turned into a battle of wills between his friends. But knowing them, he should’ve realized that a scene like this was bound to happen. Everyone was long overdue for some shore leave, and he was just as excited about vacation as they were. Maybe Kirk was determined not to mar it with a squabble before it had even begun, though.

McCoy must've thought how childish he was sounding, but still was ready to defend himself. “Well, I don’t care if it’s not viable or even, Heaven forbid, illogical to you!” McCoy muttered. Then his eyes snapped as he thought of a good point. “We're in the Mojave Desert! It’s too damn hot to wear long sleeves in the desert and that’s final!”

“Then if you insist on short sleeves for your apparel, have you administered enough sunscreen to your exposed skin?”

“Not gonna say!”

Spock grew more concerned. “Have you at least applied sufficient lotion to protect against drying skin and wind chapping?”

“Couldn’t you just as easily have phrased that to say ‘skin chapping and wind drying?’ After all, this area gets only a little over four inches of rain a year. A year! I expect that it gets mighty excited when a nice juicy morsel like you shows up, too!"

"You are a juicier morsel than I am. Having grown up on Vulcan, I am preconditioned to a hot, dry climate such as this. Vulcan's weather closely reflects the one that is experienced here in the American Southwest."

"Damn it, I'm from Georgia! That's not exactly next door to the Arctic tundra! We get a few days each Summer that might cook even your gizzard! And we'd certainly be able to steam it with our humidity!"

"But you were accustomed to fluctuating weather conditions while I, on the other hand, was not. Generations of my people have become acclimated to the heat; therefore, I do not need to take the same precautions as you and Jim need to take."

"I bet if I staked you out in the Mojave Desert for a few days, you'd be singing a different song before long!" McCoy crowed. "You'd be at the head of the line wanting ice water! And sunscreen! And a long-sleeved shirt!"

"Well, of course, if I was subjected to an extreme situation like that, I, too, would probably suffer sunstroke and damaged skin."

"Wanna find out for sure?!" McCoy's voice was low which reflected his determination to make his point.

"But toasting me in the broiling sun would not keep you from being damaged."

McCoy huffed, knowing that Spock had blocked his argument.

Spock was still adamant. "You really need to be more careful, Leonard."

McCoy turned to Kirk with outstretched hand and an earnest plea on his face. “Jim, what did we bring this Nervous Nelly along if he’s just gonna nag all the time?!”

"Bones, he's just concerned about you, that's all."

"That is correct, Doctor."

"Just ease the guy's mind," Kirk suggested. "Just put on some lotion or a shirt with long sleeves so we can be on our way, okay? I'm anxious to hit the Strip. I wanna see some of those show girls before I forget the reason why I'd even be interested. My jaded eyes are ready to ogle some seriously naked skin."

But McCoy wasn't letting it go. "Why doesn't he just let me stew in my own juices if I don't have the sense God gave to a turnip to listen?!" McCoy demanded.

"Good point. Spock," Kirk said turning to his First Officer, "Just look at it this way. There are some perks here for you."

"I fail to see them, Captain."

"Well, if McCoy gets sunburned, you won’t be needing a nightlight in your room and he’ll be your own personal heater in bed. He should be able to keep you both toasty all night.”

“But he will rant about the sunburn pain, Captain.”

“I don’t rant!” McCoy protested.

Spock shot Kirk a conspiratorial look, and Kirk nearly choked on silent laughter.

“I heard that!” McCoy roared.

“Nobody said anything, Doctor.”

“Nobody had to! It got too quiet! I know how you two were looking at each other with THAT look!”

That caused Spock to inch up an eyebrow and heave a silent sigh.

“Or that, either! I know what that inching up eyebrow means! And that silent, long-suffering sigh! I expect that you're gonna start rolling your eyes next! You'd sure make a helluva tragic heroine, you know that?!"

"I probably would have good reason, do you not believe so?" Spock asked patiently.

Yet even Kirk knew that Spock was baiting McCoy and loving every minute of McCoy's ranting.

"Oh, Vulcan, you are in so much trouble!”

"Captain--"

Kirk gave up. He knew where this arguing was eventually leading. And he shouldn't be around when it reached its logical conclusion. Besides, those guys wouldn't be wanting or needing any company at that time, not when they were going to be intimate with each other.

Kirk headed for the door.

"Jim? Where are you headed?" asked a puzzled McCoy.

"Bones, I'm going exploring. I'm gonna hunt up some of those venue shows with beautiful girls wearing nothing but diamonds around their necks and ostrich feathers on their butts!"

"But--" Was it McCoy protesting, or Spock? It really didn't matter. Because they were two bodies with one mouth, saying the same thing, as far as Kirk was concerned.

Kirk turned at the door. "Don't forget that tomorrow we are supposed to tour Hoover Dam. Then the next day it's on to the Valley of Fire east of here. That's really supposed to be like Vulcan, Spock. You might feel at home there."

"I will be most anxious to explore that park, Captain.

"And from there, we're going to be spending several days at the Grand Canyon," Kirk reminded them. "We're gonna ride burros down to the ranch in the bottom of the canyon and spend the night in the bunkhouse. Then when we get back up on the rim again, we'll take a helicopter ride over the canyon. We'll get to see that bad boy from top to bottom."

"Why the hell are you going over our itinerary now?!" McCoy snapped.

"I believe that he is wanting to remind us that we came to this region to enjoy points of interest in this area of the Great American Desert, Leonard."

"I know why we came here!"

"I believe that Jim is also implying that you and I might not be following our original itinerary if left to our own devices."

Kirk nodded his head and winked.

"What the hell?!" McCoy protested. "Kirk thinks we can't keep our hands off each other for a minute?!"

Even Spock had to stare at McCoy on that one.

"We'll prove it! That's what we'll do!"

"Bones, you don't have to be a martyr just for my sake--"

"Nope!" McCoy held up his hand. "We'll prove that we aren't in constant heat! We'll go with you now."

"Bones, I'd rather you didn't do something just to prove a point. You won't have any fun...."

"We're in Las Vegas! There's bound to be something fun to do somewhere around here!"

"Bones...."

"Nope, we're going and that's final! Come on, Vulcan!"

"Doctor, where is your shirt with the long sleeves? And your sunglasses? You really need to be properly attired."

"Don't need 'em! And that's final!"

"Doctor, I really must insist...."

Jim Kirk sighed. This is where he had come in.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
